When You Don't Have Time for Your Spouse
Do you have quite the busy schedule? Have you wondered how-in-the-world you can have more quality time with your spouse amidst all of your responsibilities?
It's hard enough to juggle kids, work, family, friends, and house chores let alone fitting in time with your spouse! In this blog post, I'll explore some creative ways you can make it happen without being overwhelmed.
The First 4 Minutes
I heard a psychologist once say that the first 4 minutes after arriving home from work determine how the rest of the evening will go. For example, if you come home frustrated and snap at your spouse or head straight for the computer, how will that impact the evening? Likewise, if you hug, kiss, and say hello right away, how will that impact the evening?
When you are both home from a long day, set a timer for 4 minutes. Kindly greet one another. Greet your children. Ask your partner how their day was. 4 minutes should be just enough time before the kids start demanding attention. If you don't make it all the way to 4, that's okay. Give it your best shot! Couples who practice this tell me they feel much closer and confident in their relationship. They also tell me that they've noticed how the first 4 minutes really does determine how enjoyable of an evening they will have.
When you are both home from a long day, set a timer for 4 minutes. Kindly greet one another. Greet your children. Ask your partner how their day was. 4 minutes should be just enough time before the kids start demanding attention. If you don't make it all the way to 4, that's okay. Give it your best shot! Couples who practice this tell me they feel much closer and confident in their relationship. They also tell me that they've noticed how the first 4 minutes really does determine how enjoyable of an evening they will have.
Give up Media for 30 minutes
Yes, I said it. No TV. No social media. No texting. Set a timer for 30 minutes and do something intentional with your spouse. Plan it out ahead of time to make life a bit easier (e.g., Every Wednesday night from 8 - 8:30pm no media). Have an idea of how you want to spend that time. It can be anything from prayer to making dessert, but it must be something you do together without any distractions. Ever since I read one of Matthew Kelly's books, the term "carefree timelessness" has stuck with me. It's such a perfect mindset or way to approach your 30 minutes without media. Just be and enjoy one another, without worrying about the To-Do's and without thinking about what you're going to do next.
Remember how easy it was to make friends in high school and college? Part of the reason why it was easy is that there was so much time. Time to spend together and to build strong friendships. Carefree timelessness is so freeing and relaxing. No agenda. No obligations. Disconnect from your world of pressures and just be. Give yourselves the gift of time amidst an increasingly busy life and watch that bond grow. Added bonus: These 30 minutes can be easily applied to time with children as well!
Remember how easy it was to make friends in high school and college? Part of the reason why it was easy is that there was so much time. Time to spend together and to build strong friendships. Carefree timelessness is so freeing and relaxing. No agenda. No obligations. Disconnect from your world of pressures and just be. Give yourselves the gift of time amidst an increasingly busy life and watch that bond grow. Added bonus: These 30 minutes can be easily applied to time with children as well!
Schedule Them In!
It may sound cold and heartless, but our culture is one that is constantly moving, and rarely finds time for leisure. Don't feel as if you've sunk to an all-time-low for having to resort to "penciling in" your partner. In order to protect time with your spouse, you both should put it in your calendars.
G.K. Chesterton said, "To hurry through one's leisure is the most unbusiness-like of actions." Meaning you can't successfully take care of business or accomplish tasks well without first taking care of yourself. This can be applied to relationships as well. Treat your couple time as if it were as important as a business meeting. It cannot be re-arranged for any reason (except for a dire emergency of course). In fact, this is more important than any business meeting you'll ever have. Strengthening your marriage is crucial and failure to do so will impact all other areas of your life, starting with your personal level of satisfaction. Having something to look forward to can also bring much peace to a relationship. Rather than fighting about not spending enough time together, you will notice that, both in and out of your scheduled time, your conversations are much more peaceful.
G.K. Chesterton said, "To hurry through one's leisure is the most unbusiness-like of actions." Meaning you can't successfully take care of business or accomplish tasks well without first taking care of yourself. This can be applied to relationships as well. Treat your couple time as if it were as important as a business meeting. It cannot be re-arranged for any reason (except for a dire emergency of course). In fact, this is more important than any business meeting you'll ever have. Strengthening your marriage is crucial and failure to do so will impact all other areas of your life, starting with your personal level of satisfaction. Having something to look forward to can also bring much peace to a relationship. Rather than fighting about not spending enough time together, you will notice that, both in and out of your scheduled time, your conversations are much more peaceful.
Don't be too busy to improve!
Like any good thing, you only get out of your marriage what you put into it, and that usually takes effort. Start with just one of these steps and see if you notice a difference in your relationship. Comment below and share which one you'd like to try!
Check out this free marriage quiz and rate your marriage! Visit www.reginaboyd.com for more information about how to improve your relationship.
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